


Memories

by Mikukise



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-22
Updated: 2018-11-25
Packaged: 2019-02-03 22:02:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12757026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mikukise/pseuds/Mikukise
Summary: Keith has lost his memories from before the Garrison. Lotor shows up and saves his life in the battle of Naxzela. What happens afterwards? Why does it seem like Keith and Lotor are connected? (This is a bad summary, I know, I’m sorry)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I love Keitor and I don’t know why, but I can’t help but like fics about memory loss.  
> I hope you will enjoy reading <3

"You have aged."  
  
"So have you, I guess."  
  
"You ... you don't remember, do you?"  
  
"No, only flashes. But you do, don't you?"  
  
"Of course I do, but I'll leave you to it now, beautiful."  
  
It was that simple exchange that got stuck in Keith's mind. It was after the battle for Naxzela, Lotor had come to the castle to negotiate with the Voltron Coaltion. Before those negotiations, Keith was dragged into the common room by Matt because of his stunt. He was only trying to save everyone, it was more important to him that his life. It had nothing to do with the Blades at all. He was with them because the other paladins seemingly didn't care. He left before the rejection. But when they started arguing that he was important to them, he couldn't handle their lies anymore and left. Keith couldn't blame this on Matt, he only knew the lonely Keith who needed cuddles and hippos. Matt was only trying to help, he didn't know better.  
  
After minutes of running Keith found his own quiet spot. He used to go there when everything became to much.  
  
A few hours later, someone entered the room.  
  
"Keith?" a smooth voice asked, observing the small Blade, fast asleep in one of the castle's distant rooms. It was Lotor who asked. He was looking for some peace and quiet in the castle when he stumbled upon the boy, curled up and asleep in a cold corner in a big room.  
  
Keith startled awake.  
  
"Lotor? Is that you?"  
  
"Yes, it is, the one and only."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"You have aged."  
  
"So have you, I guess."  
  
"You ... you don't remember, do you?"  
  
"No, only flashes. But you do, don't you?"  
  
"Of course I do, but I'll leave you to it now, beautiful."  
  
Afterwards, Lotor left the room in silence, pensive. He already expected Keith to have lost his memory, but he didn't expect this. He thought Keith would have no memory at all or have recovered a part of it, not that the boy remembered meaningless flashes that annoyed him to no end.  
  
Keith, on the other side, looked at the prince's disappearing figure. He was frustrated and sad. He knew he had known Lotor, knew what feelings he had for him, knew what they were but he didn't know Lotor. It hurt, knowing and yet not knowing.  
  
Keith left the castle the next day. Matt watched him go with a sad look in his eyes. Lotor was there too, expression unreadable as usual. Matt then went to the control room to stare into space.  
  
"What's the matter?" Pidge asked Matt, worried about her brother. He looked worried and guilty.  
  
"Why did I allow Keith to leave? Why did I allow him to push you and the other paladins away and let all of you do that to him as well?"  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"You don't remember me talking about the emo-hippo?"  
  
"Yes, but what does that have to do with Keith? The hippo-emo is a smart, shy, scared, selfdestructive boy who loves hippo's, cuddles, candy, sweets, cakes and everything emo."  
  
"But that's Keith", Matt was the confused one now.  
  
"N-no ...", Pidge looked shocked, realising what she did, "We have to get him back."  
  
"What about him?" Lotor asked.  
  
"Did you know him? Can you help him? You creepily resemble his sketches, but you look older", Matt replied.  
  
"Yes", Lotor smiled wryly.  
  
"He only remembers flashes of you, but he was quite fond of them, though."  
  
"He was?" Lotor was surprised by this. He never even dared to think Keith still cared.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Why are you telling me this? I'm still a Galra and an enemy."  
  
"But I know how to analyse you on this matter. Keith told me a lot about how he felt about those flashes and he drew you a lot. I trust you on Keith and only on Keith. This has nothing to do with your side in this war. Pidge, trust me on this please.”

”Okay, but I don’t think they will let me go without supervision for now. I ... I just need to ... I just need to find a way to make him remember”, Lotor’s voice cracked at the last part. He turned around and stormed away, not wanting anyone the tears that streamed out of his eyes. He found himself going back to the place where he had found Keith the day before. It really was a ‘Keith’ place. It was dark, close to space and far away from any other living creature. Lotor suddenly tripped over something. It was a sketch of him. Keith had left a sketch of Lotor. Upon closer inspection, the Galran prince discovered words in Keith’s handwriting.

 

_“Lotor_

_I am sorry I can’t remember. I ... the flashes I remember, they show me what you were to me and I find myself still feeling the same things, certainly when you stepped out of your ship. I just can’t remember all of you and I am not going to hurt you by being by your side and yet not understanding you the way you do me, no matter how much I want that. I hope you accept my apologies and I hope I can recover my memory and come back soon._

_I love you”_

 

Tears made their way across Lotor’s cheeks once more.

“You idiot, you lovable, adorable, beautiful, selfless idiot! Why did it have to be you? Why? Why did it have to be you whose memory Haggar erased? Why couldn’t it be someone else? Why did you ... Why ... Why are you the one person I can’t bear to lose? Why are you so dense and yet so considerate? Why do you love me, a monster? Why do I love you? Why are you always there? I don’t deserve you! I don’t ... I love you so much ... Please, don’t worry about me, just live, my love, just live and be happy ...” Lotor sobbed and cried. He broke down completely after years of keeping up a façade, after years of pretending to be alright, of pretending not to miss him, of pretending he wasn’t blaming himself ...

In the meantime, the castle’s main residents stood in the doorway, seeing Lotor cry, almost unable to keep theirselves together. Everything began to make sense now. Keith’s obsession with catching Lotor, his lack of memories to share, his behaviour of pushing people away, Lotor’s arrogant behaviour, Lotor saving Keith, Lotor’s battle strategy ... Keith was trying to find his memory and Lotor recognised him as the one he loved. They were suspicious about his breakdown at first, but when Matt brought his own portable version of the mind meld exercise and showed what he knew, they understood.

Lance then made a bold move. He stepped out of the darkness and hugged Lotor. The latter was surprised and looked up confusedly. It obviously wasn’t a mean gesture or some fight move, but they knew what he did, they knew about Keith, so why do this weird yet extremely comforting gesture towards him?

Matt had sensed the question and just jumped on the two of them, hugging Lotor as well.

”What is this? I can tell it’s friendly, but what is it?” Lotor asked, genuinely curious.

”You mean you don’t know what a hug is?” Lance sounded surprised.

”A hug?”

”It’s something you give someone you care for to comfort them”, Shiro explained, joining in.

”Or just whenever you feel like it”, Hunk added, enveloping all of them in his broad arms and making sure Lotor was pressed to his chest.

”You care for me?” Lotor hesitated.

”Of course we do. You’re obviously important to Keith and he’s important to you. Why shouldn’t we care?” Pidge said while sneaking into the hug between Matt and Lotor.

”Because-”

”You are no enemy to us, Lotor, not when all you did has a reason and you would do everything for Keith. We’re not saying we completely trust you, but we care for you, that is certain”, Allura interrupted him.

”You sure had a rough life, young man, no wonder you have your walls up”, Coran said and joined the hug, making it a group hug with all the paladins and Alteans.

”What are you guys doing here?” a stern voice questioned, it was Kolivan.

”Apparently, this is called ‘a hug’. Did you know it, Koli-chan?” Lotor asked, a somewhat childish tone to his voice, making him sound around the paladin’s age.

”I did not know that and don’t call me Koli-chan, Lotti”, he grumbled in reply.

”Koli-chan? Lotti? Those are nice nicknames, can I use them too?”

”No!”

”Lance, was that what you were wondering about? How do you two know each other?” Pidge asked.

”Lotor was my trainee and he later became the Blade’s leader, a few years ago he resigned after some problems with his father and the risk of being discovered becoming too big. I took over then. He has been working with us ever since and his transports we’ve been tracking are part of a bigger plan we couldn’t let anyone know about, so we pretended to do missions to gather information once the other Blades found out. No one died in those missions, the ones who did according to the documents were actually involved or got involved in the program after their fake death. We wanted to tell you as well, but therefore we needed you to care about Lotor out of yourselves and Keith’s memory to come back.”

”What Koli-chan said.”

”Lotti!!!”

”So, why caring and not trusting?” Allura questioned

”Trust is an illusion and misleading, while caring builds a much stronger bond and a sort of trust that’s stronger than normal trust.”

”So, all we need to do is make Keith regain his memory?” Matt asked.

”Yes, but we’ll have to wait till he does so, we can’t force it. Slav even investigated it and he said there was no reality where there was a chance of forcing his memory back.”

”Thank you”, Lotor’s voice was small when he said that.

”For what?” Hunk asked.

”For the hug, I really needed it.”

”Anytime.”

”Koli-chan hasn’t joined in”, Lotor remarked.

”Come on, Kolivan, bring it in”, Lance said.

”Do I have to?”

”Yup, obligatory group hug”, Pidge and Lotor remarked at the same time before laughing.

”I guess I have no choice”, and with those words, Kolivan ended up being pulled into the hug and laughing along with everybody else, including Lotor, who looked relaxed and happy for the first time in years.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, I’m sorry it took me so long to update. I’m having my exams which means: study all you can in three weeks and die trying (not literally dying, but still). So, I’m sorry for that. Thank you for all the kudo’s!  
> I hope you enjoy ;)

Keith paced around in the Blade's equivalent of a common room. No one else was there and Kolivan's return got delayed by some problems with Lotor. Lotor. He shouldn't be thinking about Lotor, not now.  
  
"What's wrong? You look worried."  
  
"Regris? What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be dead for the other Blades."  
  
"They are all sent on missions. The others who are included in this mission are arriving today and tomorrow."  
  
"Okay. I'm glad you didn't die, though, that it was only fake. I remember you vaguely, but that's all. I'm so-"  
  
"Don't apologise, Keith. You may not know what happened before Voltron, but it was not your fault at all. And, I'm happy that you're here now", Regris smiled lightly, swaying his tail slightly.  
  
"Thank you."  
  
"You're welcome."  
  
"What's going on in here? There wasn't supposed to be anyone here", voice sounded from the doorway. It was Antok. He wasn't the one that had died in the battle against Zarkon and Haggar. That was a clone. Kolivan wasn't aware of him being a clone at the time ever since Antok was still in control of the body. It was a test to see whether the Blade could master the art of making clones as well as Haggar to be able to figure out the weak spots of Haggar's clones. Kolivan's face when he found out Antok was alive showed as many emotions as he must have been able to show, they were a very close couple after all.  
  
"Isn't Koli-chan here yet?"  
  
"No, he got delayed by Lotor."  
  
"Okay, Thace and Ulaz are on their way too, after their small vacation", Antok winked, implying that the two were doing more than just relax. It was the couple's first time alone after almost a year of separation. What would they be doing?  
  
"Keith?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"How are you doing? I mean, your memories, do you remember more."  
  
"Yes, but it's more frustrating now I bumped into Lotor and talked to him."  
  
"Oh, what did he say?"  
  
"That he'll leave me so that I can regain my memories on my own."  
  
"We've got more intel on what kind of Altean magic Haggar used on your brain. It's only possible to reverse it by using Altean magic. Haggar won't do it and Lotor can't because he's the center of the lost memories."  
  
"So Allura is my only option."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"But she won't ever do that. She already disgusts me for being half-Galra and she hates Lotor for being Zarkon's son."  
  
"Are you giving up?"  
  
"Never."  
  
"Then we'll figure something out. Together."  
  
"Thanks."  
  
"We're back!"  
  
"Thace, Ulaz, you're back. Long time no see."  
  
"Long time no see, Antok, Regris ... Keith."  
  
"I'm sorry for being late, but we're all here now, so can we discuss our next step. And Keith?"  
  
"Yes, Kolivan."  
  
"You haven't changed a little bit", Kolivan laughed a little and ruffled Keith's hair, only to recieve a questioning look from the latter. Antok just looked endeared at the sight of his lover smiling and seeing him relieved over something for the first time in weeks.  
  
"I haven't?"  
  
"You definitely haven't", Regris laughed. Keith smiled softly, he felt at home, how weird it may sound. He knew he had known these people and he felt like he still knew them in a way. It was relaxing.  
  
"To the matter at hand. We'll have to involve at least one current member of Voltron in our plans. I don't know which one though, Allura, Shiro or Coran? Keith, do you know anything that can be useful?" Kolivan asked.  
  
"Allura will be reluctant about trusting you or Lotor or anyone with Galran genetics, but she's strong. Shiro has been a bit off, but he's reliable though unpredictable and overprotective of some people at times. Coran might be fond of chatter and he's quite ridiculous, but there's no chance he'll betray you, turn you down and he has his own powers though you'll have to keep him away of some manipulative types."  
  
"Looks like Coran's our best option then. We'll -"  
  
"Keith, how do you know those things about Coran?" Regris interrupted, "You only notice such qualities when you needed them once."  
  
"I ... He was the easiest person to talk to in the castle, though not in front of anyone. He was the one I told about my suspicions of being part Galra, my social awkwardness and of the memory loss and flashbacks. He's been supporting me a lot. He reminds me of Antok actually."  
  
"Of me?!"  
  
Kolivan chuckled lightly: "I think I see what he means there. Remember when you got the slipperies?"  
  
"No need to remind me", he grumbled, causing Kolivan to grin, automatically making him grin as well.  
  
"But, that Coran is Altean, isn't he?"  
  
"Yes, why do you ask, Regris?"  
  
"He might be able to help you with your memories."  
  
"How so?"  
  
"We found some documentation, but it's in Altean and he might also know more about this kind of magic."  
  
"Then we'll fill him in on everything for sure", Kolivan decided and everyone agreed, "Dismissed."  
  
"Yes, sir", Antok replied jokingly, making Kolivan blush slightly.  
  
"I'll get you back for that", he growled playfully.  
  
"Kids, get out of here." Thace and Ulaz ushered Keith and Regris out of the common room and went to their own quarters afterwards.  
  
"Seems like it's just us."  
  
"Hm."  
  
"Keith?"  
  
"Regris?"  
  
"I missed you."  
  
Keith suddenly found himself in an embrace. Regris' tail around his shoulders, the end tickling his face.  
  
"And I'm not talking about the you when we were kids, I am talking about the you before the decoy."  
  
"I ... I missed you too. Thank you", Keith said and hugged back awkwardly.  
  
  
  
The next day, everyone got together once again. Coran had accepted the Blade's invitation and was coming over.  
  
"What is all of this, fellows? Antok, Thace, Ulaz, you are alive?!" Coran sounded happily surprised.  
  
"We would like to explain you our overall plan. We also need your help in translating some Altean documents."  
  
"I will gladly be of help."  
  
"Okay, well then. Antok, would you do the honour and tell him."  
  
"Yes, sir."  
  
"Antok", Kolivan grumbled warningly.  
  
"Yes, yes. I'll start."  
  
When they had explained the whole plan to Coran, he was more than glad to help. He knew it would be important and it was the best shot for everyone, but there was one thing he didn't get.  
  
"Why do you need my help translating Altean documents?"  
  
"It's for me", Keith said. It was the first time he spoke ever since the meeting began. "Do you remember that I told you about my memory loss and those flashes of my past?"  
  
"Yes, of course I do, fellow!"  
  
"Haggar did something to them and the information about it is here, but no one can read it. So they decided to ask you about that as well. No," Keith said, cutting Coran off before he could even start, "the translating programs won't work. The documents have been made unreadable to computers."  
  
"Oh, okay. I'll be glad to help with that", Coran said excitedly, giving Keith a thumbs-up.  
  
"Thanks."  
  
"No problem, kid. You're like family to me, I'd do anything for you."  
  
Coran hugged Keith tightly.  
  
"He misses you, you know, Lotor. So I'll make sure you get your memories back, my boy. Don't thank me, it's the least I can do."  
  
"Okay."  
  
"This meeting is over. Everyone is dismissed."  
  
"Yes, sir."  
  
"Antok, don't say I didn't warn you", Kolivan said blankly.  
  
"Have fun", Ulaz laughed.  
  
"Do you want to have fun?" Thace whispered in his ear.  
  
"Sounds good."  
  
"I hate couples", Regris mumbled when the two couples had left.  
  
  
Later, the castle had landed on the same planet where the main base of the Blade of Marmora was located at the time. Keith was sitting on a distant rock, looking at an endless desert.  
  
"What are you thinking about?"  
  
"Lotor?!" Keith was startled by the sudden appearance of the prince.  
  
"That's my name."  
  
Keith sighed and tapped the spot next to him for Lotor to sit there.  
  
"But for real, what are you thinking about?"  
  
"About ... the war, the Blades, my memory, the paladins, you ... the list goes on."  
  
"About me?"  
  
"Yes, about you, you idiot", the playful insult rolled off Keith's tongue fondly.  
  
"So, what kind of thoughts did you have? Was it like: "Lotor is perfect" or more like "I want to pin that prick down"?"  
  
"No, I just feel conflicted. I miss you and I love you but I can't remember all of you although you do and I really really want to."  
  
"I get that and I really want to be patient, but I don't think I can. You're just so beautiful, so perfect, so kissable", Lotor's voice grew husky as he spoke those last words. He gently cradled Keith's jaw, brushing his thumb over his cheek. "I love you", was all he said before connecting their lips. It was a short, chaste and tender kiss. They parted to look each other in the eye to gauge their reaction. Keith was blushing a little bit, his eyes unsure but filled with longing. Lotor's expression remained unreadable as ever.  
  
Just as they were about to kiss again, a loud thump could be heard. It was the sound of a crashing ship.

”That’s my ship!” Lotor said astonishedly, “What is it doing here? What are they doing here?”

”They?”

”My generals, Keith, they joined us in our plans later on.”

”You mean Axca, Zethrid, Ezor and Narti?”

”You remember them?”

”I only remember flashes, but that doesn’t mean I don’t remember every single detail. What’s wrong? You look tensed”, Keith had noticed the way Lotor had tensed up at the mention of his generals.”

”I ... I had to kill Narti to save the lives of the others, I had no choice. She had asked me too and she was begging me at that moment. The other three, they knocked me out and wanted to hand me over to Zarkon. I can barely live with myself because of what I did.”

”Lotor, don’t worry, we’ll find a way. Narti is a hybrid, isn’t she?”

”Yes, why?”

”Haggar has just received a new hybrid according to the Blade’s insiders. It was a blind, female, half-Galran general in the army.”

”That ... that can only be Narti.”

”So don’t worry, we’ll find a way to get her back, and you made the right decision at the time. Narti wouldn’t be able to live with herself if you hadn’t done what you had done and you would’ve lost your generals. Axca, Ezor and Zethrid don’t know the circumstances, so don’t feel guilty.”

”Keith?”

”Yes?”

”You didn’t change a thing.”

”Why does everyone keep saying that?” he huffed, only to be cut off by Lotor’s lips pressing against his own.

 

In the meantime, the generals had left their ships and were now walking towards the camp. All rebel forces were on stand-by and ready to shoot them once they did something suspicious. The only thing they did was look at Keith and Lotor. They looked surprised and confused. Keith and Lotor weren’t exactly paying attention to them, although, that’s what it seemed like. Actually, the five of them were communicating through looks.

”Keith? Is that you?” It was Axca who asked, the most responsible one in the group and the one closest to Keith besides Lotor.

”Yes, Axca, it’s me”, he answered before getting thrown to the ground by the blue girl.

”I missed you.”

”I missed you too, although I don’t remember you completely.”

”No!” Lotor suddenly yelled when a shot resounded in the sky. The world froze for a moment, Lotor moving towards Keith and Axca, the latter two standing up. A thump could be heard when a body hit the ground.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and kudo’s and commenting! I hope you enjoyed. I know the being alive of Regris, Antok, Thace, Ulaz and Narti isn’t canon, but I can’t let them die, not ever.  
> Thank you very much for reading :)


	3. Chapter 3

I'm sorry, but I can't continue this work :( I've been trying to write the next chapter for almost a year, but I can't seem to produce anything that's readable. I feel so bad for discontinuing this :((((( I thought I could write it when I published the first chapter and I even had an entire storyline made up and such. I feel bad for disappointing you, forgive me please ><

Sorry :(

I hope you have a great day <3

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading <3  
> Please comment if there are any mistakes or if there’s somethings you want to say.  
> Should I continue this or should I write something else or nothing at all?


End file.
